The best way I describe how binge eating felt was like my body sent me on a top secret mission and I went into complete tunnel vision until the mission was complete, but I didn't want to be on the mission, but there was no way out.
It was this painful, horrible cycle. I was so confused.
One day I watched my friend make a smoothie and eat it like what I called a 'normal' person. She just added her bananas, spinach, berries, nut butter and other things. I was in awe at the calmness in her behavior.
I wanted to be like her. Normal around food.
I would see other people eat one cookie, and question every fiber of my being—what made me like this? Was it will power? Should I go to special will power classes?
Eventually I would go on to learn about intuitive eating, and take that scary but amazing ride of learning how to be normal around food, but there was one major thing that I didn't know about breaking up with binge eating, that I want you to know and understand.
You Need A Way To Process Your Feelings Without Binging
BInge eating is heavily tied into your emotional wellbeing and mindset. When you're stressed, scared, anxious etc..those are commonly the feelings that trigger binges.
Some people go to drugs, alcohol, Netflix or sex to numb the pain and burry the feelings—for me, I used food. And it wasn't an active thing, I didn't know this at the time. I didn't know that when my business was struggling and I felt anxious and went to food that it was my coping mechanism.
I didn't understand that when Cooper left to his dads for the week and my heart hurt, that I would head to Whole Foods and load up on food until my stomach was in pain and that I was just really trying to numb that hurt.
It wasn't an active thing.
The more vocal I became about binging, the more I wrote about it and the direction of SCR lead into coaching women through it, I realized that if you're going to break up with binges, you're going to need another way to process your feelings.
Which means that for the first time in maybe ever, or a long time, you're going to have to see your pain, your anxiety, your basic human feelings and acknowledge they are there and begin to actively work through them.
Let's Hold Hands And Talk About Our Feelings
When I'm talking to people about how I work with women, I joke that "it's not like we are signing kumbya and sharing our feelings". But it actually is, minus the singing.
We build up walls, and think it's normal. We don't talk about our feelings because we feel like we're being too much, or too extra.
BUT in order to get to the root of where the binges, or unhappy relationship with food and your body live, we have to process what is happening for you.
True healing isn't about buying another DIY program online, or a new 21 day fix, glute burnout program. It's about learning how to process your feelings and cope, and do life in ways that don't use food, sex, alcohol etc to numb.
In the Strong Chicks Rock Custom Coaching Program we do this, we build up your tool box of resources, your confidence and give you the support + tribe you need to work through this all— and hell to the yes it sounds a little woo woo but I think one of the greatest things I could do as a coach is be honest with you. And in being honest, that means that healing and thriving and having a normal relationship with food will mean that you have to show up and honor your feelings, even the ones that feel icky and painful.
Pain is meant to be felt, and I know we think it comes with a big red X and we want to shove it away, but it's part of the basic human spectrum of emotions.
So what I wish I would have understood about breaking up with binge eating is that it was going to be hard, because I was going to have to learn how to be a human who feels her feelings without using food, sex or Netflix to numb out the pain.
I wouldn't change any of it though. I wouldn't choose not to feel ever again. The feeling, while raw and painful sometimes, allows me to show up in the world whole. Binging left me constantly feeling broken.
Broken is not something I am, or you are. It just feels like it.