Fitness for many women is the pathway that helps them discover who they are. To overcoming fears, gaining confidence and loving themselves. That's what it's been for me and so many of clients. So that's why this story of being rejected by a guy stems from what I've gotten out of my fitness journey. Don't get your panties in a bunch, my courage and confidence that I've gained from this journey go way further than just being used to talk to a man. But, It blows my mind how the one decision to pick me, choose me and commit to myself, has resulted in a confident woman who is learning to love herself more and more everyday.
So let me share with you how my confidence that I got by honoring my body through food, movement and self-love, helped me do something I never would have imagined I'd do.
I don't just like people. I acknowledge when men are attractive, but having actual feelings for them isn't something that I feel towards every man who walks by me. I'm selective in where I place my feelings. Very selective. I like that about me, for the most part. So when I do find myself more than just physically attracted to someone, its intense for me. Which is great if the feelings are mutual. In this situation they weren't. But, so the story goes.
I met a guy, we shall call him Fabio. For the purpose of protection (because he's a famous rockstar..kidding) I'll say I met him at Whole Foods ;) At first I didn't like Fabio. In my head, I figured when I met a person that I truly liked--I would know and it would just be there right away. The butterflies dancing in my stomach. Ya know, the feels.
Over time, butterflies began to swarm my belly and those little fuckers kept growing. I acknowledged this right away because this feeling isn't something I'm use to. I liked the way I felt when I was with him and the way I would laugh until my belly hurt and could tell him anything without judgment. I was me.
As much as I told myself I wasn't going to like him, because I knew I couldn't (this was supposed to be my year to figuring me out, not for another relationship), I physically couldn't help it. If you have a remedy to stopping the feels, well, you're going to be a billionaire.
I processed my feelings 100x over and knew that I had to tell him, because keeping it in would go against everything I believe in.
For gods sake I tattooed "here and now" on my arm because I damn well believe that. I don't want to miss opportunities and miss out on my life because I'm too afraid to speak up.
So, I told him. I think he already knew by my 12-year-old girlish behavior I had around him. I knew that telling him meant popping this grand ol vision in my head that he actually liked me back, and that it would change the dynamic of our friendship. That's the thing about fear, we would rather stay in our bubble of comfort--cozy where are, only thinking about the "what if I did this...) scenario, and never actually doing it.Because stepping into fear could mean that we lose things and people we love. But it could also mean, gaining power and control of our minds and realizing that fear isn't a man running after you with an axe in hand. Fear is a state of mind. And our mind, we can control that if we choose to.
After Fabio and I had spent a couple of hours on my front porch just talking, I told him. For a minute, I convinced myself that he definitely liked me back. That the next day he'd show up at my door, white roses in hand telling me that he felt the same exact way that I did. Because of course fear won, I didn't actually tell him until he left my house. I called. Oh Rachel.
I'm sorry if I've really built up to this point for nothing, but he kind of said nothing back. Since that day, we've talked about it--mainly I bring it up in a jokingly way. But, at the end of it all--there are is no big swooping grand gesture or woman crush Wednesday posts on the horizon. There was a one-sided, big school girl crush on a guy who didn't like me back.
And that's cool.
I mean, I won't lie for one second and say that I wasn't bummed. Because the feelings were real on my end, and I wouldn't have changed that for one second.
When I was married I use to tell my best friend that I would rather feel heartbreak 100x over than continue what I felt in my marriage, which was a bottomless pit of emptiness, of nothingness. I felt like the life had been sucked out of me.
So to have this experience, after being married and not really living my young adult life dating or liking guys--this was good. It wasn't what I wanted. I wanted Fabio.
Instead, I got discomfort and a wee bit of sadness but after I told him I liked him--I felt more powerful. I had done something so out of my comfort zone. There I laid in my bed after hanging up the phone, sad, but not broken. Not dead. I wasn't struck by lightning because I did something scary.
I stepped into more of my power.
That's what fitness has done for me. The strength I have gained by honoring my body through movement goes far past how much weight I can pick up and down, it's helped me to realize my worth.
Fitness has been a pathway to self-confidence, to punching fear in the face, to a sense of radical self-love, and to becoming more of me.
Make sure you read that clearly, I didn't say having abbs or a big butt has made me have those things--but honoring my body, has given me those things.
It's allowed me to go from a victim mentality to one of knowing that I am powerful.
Even though my voice was quiet, and my words were shaky. I punched fear in the face.
I know I'll be presented with hundreds of more situations in my life where I need to punch fear in the face, and I know that no matter how nervous I may be or how terrible of an outcome I may dream up--I know that I can do it.
I know that I can do it not because of how I look or how long I've been "into fitness", but because I vow to not live a "what if" life, and that means choosing to control my mind and not giving into the story of fear I willingly create in my mind. But to take action, even through fear.
So when the next guy walks into my life, and I feel that swarm of butterflies making a new home in my belly every time he walks into the room-- I'm going to punch fear in the face again. I won't let thoughts like these come into my mind:
- I'm not good enough
- I'm too weird
- I carried the watermelon
- If I tell him, he'll think I'm clingly and weird
I'll breathe into my belly, I'll acknowledge the fear--and I'll do my damn thing.
Go breathe into your fear, whether it's touching the free weights at the gym or telling Fabio #2 you think he looks like a greek god. You've got the power babe.