Day one of my period had arrived and I was up every 40 min changing my ultra tampon. Oh, you didn't know there were ultra size tampons? Well, there are and now you know.
So there I was, at my dad's house and right as I flushed the toilet my worst horror came to life.
I can't tell what's worse, poop clogging the toilet or blood.
There I stood, "shit shit shit, where's the plunger?" I begin to plunge, then flush again and then the Red Sea came to life and the toilet flooded.
Fuck me right? Great. Just great.
Grabbing every towel I could, I tried to solve the mess that was being made.
My dad was mad, probably grossed out, but then, 10 min later it was over.
Should We Punch Our Fears In The Face?
It was over, I didn't die. Wow, I thought. Okay, if I can deal with bloody water spreading on the floors of someones home then what the fuck else can I do?
I know, we think we need to punch our fears in the face and I beg to differ.
What does that mean I would have done? Acted like I wasn't embarrassed, nervous what my dad would say and scared that I ruined his bathroom?
Uh no. I believe we more so lean into our fears. Bypassing them like "ha, I don't feel you, see you, or know you're there" is just a horrible lie that we can feel and see right through.
Instead, if we are like "ugh man I feel this stuff, I see it, I'm going to be with it". I know, you're thinking WTF does that mean?
It means we don't give into the fear story, we acknowledge it, and then we do the thing.
Not because we are some super human who is punching fears in the face like a boss, but because we are choosing to let the fear step into our lives without letting it unpack with it's comfy little suitcase full of stories that fear wants you to think.
I farted In Yoga
Don't worry, I'm doing all of the things for you so you know that you won't die from the scary events in life.
It was perfect, I was in happy baby pose, lol of course, and I farted. It was audible. If it wasn't it wouldn't have made it into the blog.
I swear to god my heart actually stopped and I was like kill me now, they know. Get me out, someone get me out. I'm actually not a yogi, I fart, I can't be here anymore. Is there a witness protection program for farting in yoga?
Then I laughed, because I was like wow, my worst yoga fear happened and no I actually didn't die. After it happened, I felt like I could actually yoga for the first time in my life because I wasn't living in my fear story or anxiously waiting for it to happen.
What can you learn from this?
- Fear stops you from doing the things you want to do and being who you want to be.
- The stories we create from the feeling of fear is usually the scariest part, when we learn to clam those thoughts, we take our power back.
- You don't have to chose to punch fear in the face because this isn't really doing anything with the fear other than acting like it's some imaginary friend, but it's really there.
- When you lean into the fear, or dance with the resistance, you still feel the fear, but you don't let the fear story begin and move through whatever it is you set out to do.
Okay, so what if you don't know how to stop your fear story? You know, the one that sounds like this?
"Rachel don't go to yoga, you will fart and everyone will look at you and they will know that you're the farter and you are less zen then them. You're also going to fall so you might as well just stay home because if you went then fell AND farted, well your life might as well be over so good luck ever trying to be flexible or zen again in your life you stupid bitch."
Aggressive but don't act like your mind hasn't gone there.
"I acknowledge this fear, I feel it, I want to do this anyway. 3,2,1." Then I do it. I'm not bypassing the fear, I'm acknowledging that it's there, then I'm counting and going. Because if I don't go I'll keep sitting there with my story.
Your life will be full of what if's, fears, and scary moments—I want you to stop thinking you need to be the superhero every time, you don't have to punch your fears in the face or the dick or anywhere else, keep your hands to yourself. Because what your feelings really want are to be acknowledged. Start there.
I promise that if you fart in yoga you can actually go back, and if you send a text to a guy telling him you think he's gorgeous and he says he wants to be friends (I did that too), well hey girl, you're doing you and you're going to live. Fear isn't a man running with an axe behind you, well, I hope not. At least the mind fear, that we have a wee bit more control over than Hannibal Lector.