choose joy

3 No BS Ways To Achieve Radical Self Love

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"Love yourself" "It doesn't matter what you look like, you should love yourself"

I understand the logic of this advice, but telling someone to simply love themselves is not enough. While it's so easy to spew out of your mouth, it's not easy to apply to your life. Society tells you to love yourself while simultaneously telling you to be smaller, be skinny, be confident but not to much. So in the middle of this message telling you to love where you're at, they're also telling you that you aren't good enough where you're at.

Loving yourself requires you to step out of a victim mentality. No one wants to hear that, but it is so true. It is easier to throw ourselves a pity party, complain, pick ourselves, and stay in our bubble of sadness and comfort that we've created from feeling inadequate, not worthy and not lovable. Maybe you haven't felt all of those things, or any of them. Regardless, stepping into the power and magic of loving yourself is somehow scarier and harder than staying choosing to be unhappy and in a place with little to no self-love.

Maybe you don't realize that happiness is a choice, that self-love is something you can cultivate on your own without anyone deciding it for you. Maybe you don't realize that you've stayed in a place of comfort, that isn't healthy for you physically or emotionally.

So here is how you can begin to step into your power of radical self-love.

1.) Become Whole On Your Own: When your joy, self-worth, confidence and every other way you define yourself is rooted in the opinion, thoughts and validation of someone else, your self-love will be completely dependent on whoever that person is that you're allowing to control so much of you. Step into being true to YOU and less of what you think your boyfriend, best friend, mom, dad etc want you to be. Then you begin to love YOU for all that you are, and not all that you're pretending to be. How can you do this? You can start dressing the way you want to, saying what you want to say, doing what you want to do, chop your hair, color it pink, do you, babe.

empty-cup2.) Fill Your Cup First: So this is your cup. In this cup is your joy, happiness, kindness, and love. But  to me, this cup looks empty.. I mean, correct me if I'm wrong? So If this is what your cup looks like, and you're trying to love others and show them kindness, love, happiness and joy... it's not going to work really well. You can't pour into other and into life, if this is your cup. So how do you fix this? Fill your cup first. What makes you happy? What gives you joy? Do those things. Doing things that take care of YOU and make you happy will in turn leave your cup full to pour into other people. For me, I know that If I'm constantly running on empty I will crash and burn. So every morning I wake up 15 min earlier than I have to and I make my coffee + have enough to spend to drink it slowly before I begin my busy day. I carve out time on Mondays to make sure I can always go to the grocery store with enough time to not rush because I LOVE it there. No joke. I go to yoga and meditation classes frequently. All of these things fill ME up. I need time alone, and sometimes it's as simple as telling my friends I can't hang out and binge watching the new season of Orange Is The New Black while eating kale chips and drinking kombucha. That's what I need to be full. It's not a lot. But taking that "me time", allows me to pour into others from a full cup and not giving everyone the shitty part of me. What can you do that fills you up?

3.) Drop Your Victim Mentality: That's a really intense sentence to read and If I thought I could get my point across with saying it differently I would but I feel this is such a raw and real thing to understand. Check this conversation (that I made up but hear every time I see a friend or anyone with a vagina):

Girl 1: Your hair looks so pretty!

Girl 2: Oh my gosh no it's so ugly, I was on pinterest for hours and told my stylist I wanted white blond and now it's like this orange ish color and ohmygoshicantrightnow. It's so gross.

*new girl walks in*

New Girl: Girl 1, I'm so sorry DickBoyFriend broke up with you.

Girl 1: It's okay, his new girlfriend is like super into working out and I don't do that. She's got much prettier skin than mine because mine is always breaking out and he would get so embarrassed of it so it's like whatever. They are obviously better together.

I could share 500 scenarios with you, at the end of them all would be the same result. Choosing the victim mentality. For whatever reason, deciding that you aren't worthy enough and complaining about it is better than choosing a way out. A way out of hate and into radical self love. How can you fix this? Tell yourself that you have all of the power. Then fucking act like it. Instead of DickBoyFriend breaking up with you and you sitting there picking yourself apart, dissecting all of the make-believe reasons you feel he left you, allowing yourself to stay in shame, hate and pity. Step into the power of changing the story. Okay he left, now you decide that you're beautiful and because he left you doesn't make you any less beautiful.

You are not the gosh damn victim, I know that the safety of picking yourself apart is easier to stay in than clamming power and turning into a woman who fiercely loves herself. Trust me, I get it. But the only way to move out of self hate and into self-love is to decide that this is YOUR story, and you get to actively choose how you want to live it out.

 

Self love is an intense thing, but if you begin by applying these lifestyle changes today, right now. Not tomorrow, I promise you will begin to see changes in your life. This wasn't a fluffy list of things that sound nice. This is a list of ways you can change your life starting RIGHT NOW.

 

Become whole on your own.

Fill up your gosh damn cup.

Let go of being the victim.

 

You can do this, I know you can. I know you can because I did. It was not rainbows and butterflies, but I was sick and tired of seeing happy women rock their life. I decided I wanted that for me, and I wanted to stop hating them for what I could have if I simply tried.

So, do you think you can try?

Are you ready to go on a journey of radical self-love?

 

All my love and light being sent to you as you get ready to rock the fuck out of life.

xoxo

Rachel

 

 

5 Ways To Choose Joy When Your Heart Hurts

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When your heart hurts, when it physically feels broken, how are you suppose to be happy? When has your heart ever hurt?

Did someone break your heart? Was someone mean to you? Did you have to break someone else's heart? Did someone leave you?

I think it's safe to say that at some point in your life, you may have experienced heart-break. I know I have.

Being the emotional woman I am, I feel things so deeply. In my gut, to my core. So when my heart hurts, my body hurts. I don't want to eat, I feel like I can't workout, my head hurts and I feel sick to my stomach.

Where Things Get Tricky

Everyday I wake up and I coach women through their health and fitness journeys. I teach them how to be confident, how to rock their body, but I also teach them how to rock life. Showing them that they are in control of their happiness.

I do, 100% believe, that you can choose joy everyday.

That's really easy to say though when you feel happy already. When life is seemingly going really well for you.

I know people have read my posts and thought "okay yeah, bitch, you're happy, we get it. I'm not and there is no way I can be." I know people have thought that, because I use to feel that way when I saw people saying what I do now.

Recently life has been teaching me a lesson I don't like. Because its hard. Maybe I'm feeling the way I do because Mercury is in Retrograde (pardon my crazy). More and more I'm being put in situations where I have to cultivate my own happiness in the midst of a shit storm. My heart is hurting and I feel vulnerable.

I had to break someones heart

I miss my son

These two things have ripped my insides apart and tossed them into the street to be driven over my a semi truck, not once, but twice.

Life is happening and I've been put in situations where I'm not "just always happy". I have to create it. I have to choose joy instead of my hurt.

You Have A Choice

You were not born to simply get hit and take it. To wallow in your sadness for the rest of your life.  That is not the life you are here to live. Sad things, heartbreaking things, earth shattering and devastating things are going to happen to you and your heart will hurt so bad (though I don't wish this upon anyone).

We think we don't have a choice, that when we feel the sadness--we must stay there. That isn't the case though. Please, don't fight me on this one. We always have a  choice, I think it's easier for us though, to choose sadness. Because it's familiar. It's not scary to stay in sadness. It's comforting.

The other choice though? To choose joy and gratitude. That takes stepping outside of your comfort zone, which no one really likes. We must do it though.

Because maybe through your sadness and heartbreak, the one choice you make to choose joy, will be the single moment that you grow and get stronger through whatever situation you are in. Because now you are no longer the victim, you are the mother fucking goddess who is in control and always has been--you're just not realizing it though.

We get lost, we feel sad and we give life to the story of sadness in our heads. We stay there. We just stay. We feel helpless to our pain.

When you feel heartbreak, you don't have to ignore those feelings. From a beautiful friend and a woman I look up to so highly, Stephanie Estice, she taught me that these feelings sometimes just want to be acknowledged. They don't need a new home in your heart, they don't need to stay. You can simply acknowledge where you feel this hurt in your body.

On Choosing Joy

So how do you choose joy? Once you acknowledge those feelings of hurt, and realize that you can write a different story.

Here is how I do it:

  • Step one, like we talked about, acknowledge those feelings of hurt. Where are they on your body? Seriously. When I'm hurt, I feel sadness all over my body. Sometimes in my gut, sometimes a lump in my throat, sometimes my heart. Where is your hurt? Shut your eyes, acknowledge it, take 3-5 big deep breaths into that area. In through the nose, out through the mouth.
  • Cry it out, dance it out, work it out, paint it out, love it out. Physically doing something that isn't focusing on the hurt is so important. When I'm hurt I don't want to workout, but what I do love is to dance. Sometimes feelings of hurt and sadness need a way out of the body, so in a way that honors your body, get that shit out.
  • Meditate. Now listen, I'm not magnificent mediator. I do it because I feel more like me after. I feel centered, I feel like I can breathe without hurt again. 1 min, 3 min, 5 min, 10 min or as long as you want. Meditation isn't about how long you can sit still. There is no judgement here. I love this guided mediation from Gabrielle Bernstein. Click HERE to listen to this 5 min guided meditation.
  • Attitude of gratitude.  When hurt fills your heart, it's easy to focus on all the crappy things happening to you. Instead, you can make the small mindset shift to gratitude. I pick three things that I'm grateful for. Sometimes they are big things. Sometimes they are things like "I'm grateful for internet to watch Greys Anatomy".  Again, there is no judgement here.
  • Have a list of things that make you happy, so when you feel anything but happy, you know what to do and where to go. Write a physical list of the things that bring you joy. For me? I like going to eat alone, getting a new book, getting my nails done, going for a hike alone. All of these things bring my peace, I love them. So when I'm working to be happy again, I'll pick one of the things I know make me happy.

There are many more ways to choose joy, to become happy again when your heart hurts. I hope these few that I've shared with you help you in every way you need.

What I hope the most though, is that you realize happiness is always a choice. You don't have to be stuck in your broken heart. While there is nothing wrong with feeling sadness, sadness is not your home.

xoxo

Rachel