She said 'this is just what we do, we eat and talk and have a good time', as she reached over the food to grab another piece of cheese that I couldn't pronounce the name of .
I laughed and said, it's perfect.
My best friend Annie had invited me over to her house for Christmas because I was going to be alone this year. It was just her family and me, with enough pasta to feed a small army.
While her husband melted butter for one of the sauces and I was happily standing by the cheese board, saying yes to another glass of wine—I realized that I hadn't thought about my body once.
A pouring of gratitude washed over my body, and I for sure thought I was going to cry. I'm very pro crying in public, so this wouldn't have been an issue, I just wasn't expecting it .
It wasn't the cheese board itself that brought upon this moment, though that was phenomenal. It was the fact that for most of my life, I had spent so much time thinking about my body, or what someone else was thinking about my body (which they probably weren't at all.), that I hadn't ever just lived.
Well, I mean of course I was living. But I wasn't causally drinking wine or eating cheese or pasta without thinking about macros, wondering 'will this make me fat?', obsessing about the way my stomach looked in the mirror.
And in this moment, having gotten hours into the night without the thinking about my body—I realized that I was living my best life.
My best life is drenched in freedom, tied in a bow of power and ease.
While I've had many moments of freedom like this, and have been grateful for a healthy relationship with food for years, something was different about this moment.
It was like one of those rom com moments, where the girl realizes that she's amazing and the music is playing and you're like YES QUEEN. A moment of complete presence. A feeling that I did in fact know, but this time it was different. As my friend Ann says, 'same, but different'.
Everything changed after this. I started saying yes to life more. Yes to traveling, yes to cheese boards, yes to better sex, yes to everything that made me feel more alive.
Instead of chasing a body, I was living my life.
Which made me think about movement, my clients, self love—everything, very differently.
Because truly, what most people are searching for in their quest of thinness is a feeling. They want to feel more alive, happier, confident, at ease, joyful, powerful etc.
When you stop thinking, crying, working, sweating and dying to have abs, you get to experience life. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with abs. I like them too, but there IS a way to do life without abs being the forefront of every thought. Also, like when did we all just decide to have abs and this is like a thing that means we are healthy or something? Abs have zero to do with how healthy you are.
So how do you truly live your best life?
- Realize that it's not a this or that. You don't have to say fuck it to working out and only eat pizza for the rest of time just because that feels enjoyable in the moment. I'm sure crack cocaine is enjoyable in the moment too, but we know better than to do that on the reg. Not judging though. Really though, I want you to begin to reframe the way you look at food/exercise + life. You can eat cake and cheese boards and wine, and still love your body + make changes in your body if you so desire. We tend to think it has to be one or the other, which leaves a sense of guilt + regret.
- Ask yourself how you want to feel. This seems so so simple and almost kind of silly, but do you know how you want to feel? Taking action that will align you with how you want to feel is so much easier than making goals, and choosing to do things based on a sense of 'should'.
- BUT...know that discomfort is normal, and okay. In your quest of living your best life, you may realize that you want to feel free, for example. Perhaps taking that super dope hip hop class is going to make you feel more free and empowered, but you have slight social anxiety and the idea of class makes you want to shit your pants. So what do you do? Go, and risk shitting yourself. Or don't go, and risk continuing to feel the way you've always felt. I want you to go, and you want to go—but that fear, she's a bitch. So instead of seeing fear and discomfit as an alarming bad thing. I want you to remember that discomfort comes with new things, and on the other side of that discomfort can sometimes be the exact pleasure you're looking for.
- Start saying YES and NO, more. I know you, you say yes because you don't want to let down Sally. So you go to the thing with her and you're kind of pissed at Sally, and yourself, but none of this is Sally's fault because you chose to show up. Babe, this isn't your practice life. You don't get these moments back. Don't do shit you don't want to do, in order to make other people comfortable and happy. Had you said no to Sally, you would have been so much happier, proud of your choice to honor what makes YOU happy, and Sally maybe would have had a better time because she wouldn't have been concerned with your frustration. Likewise, say yes to things that align you with how you want to feel. Whether this is a night out with friends, a new book, cream in your coffee, or regular bacon over turkey bacon.
- Stay in your lane. It's all you babe, it's always been all you. Unfollow the people who make you question your worth. Seriously, stop following people who you roll your eyes at and find yourself constantly comparing your life to theirs. You'll be mind blown at how this simple task of unfollowing people on social can clean up your headspace so you can start focusing more on your dope ass life.
- Know this, it's not within the perfect workout or diet plan that you're going to unlock your badassery. It's an inside job where you'll find that freedom. Stop wasting your money searching for the perfect plan. Spend that time and money on getting more clear on how you want to feel in your life. Can a good coach help you do this? YES. But no amount of glute workouts can help you love YOU and feel alive.
I want you to start living your best life. Power, ease, joy, all tied into a little bow just for you—a life you've dreamed of. She's just waiting for you, and you can embark on your best life starting right now.