Two weeks ago I was driving to see my best friends for the weekend.
Before I left, my friend Ann texted me and said "I have a friend I want you to meet, he's a farmer, and you'll love him.".
Okay so Ann has never steered me wrong in life, but when she led with 'he's a farmer', I imagined a man like bailing hay or something.
I said 'sure'. Why not?
I didn't know when or where I was going to meet him, so 6 hours later I pulled up to their house, unlocked the door and waited for Ann and Sarah to get home.
Upon their arrival, they were rushed to get ready for dinner. They kept saying 'we're going to be late', which I felt like was weird because it was just going to be us and I didn't know why it would matter when we got to the restaurant.
We got in the car, and at this point I was ravenous. Having barley eaten that day, I was ready to get fucked up on a good burger and glass of wine.
We get there, and Ann's eyes meet a man's.
Ohhhh shit, he's here. That's why it mattered if we were late.
Honestly thank god I didn't know he was going to be there then, because I went into it chill AF. My anxiety didn't have a chance to show up like it would have had I known earlier.
We sit down and I was immediately drawn to this guy.
The way he shows up in the world with a sexy, empowering and gentle kindness.
He walks into the room, and you want to know him.
But not in a douche lord kind of way, in a soft and inviting kind of way.
I learned about him, and what he actually does. Which isn't a farmer per say. He created a polymer, got a patten, created a fertilizer, and now sells it to golf courses all over the world. Which I typically wouldn't divulge so much about someone I'm into, but he's fascinating beyond belief.
He looks, acts and carries himself like he's 49, yet he's a CEO at 23. Which doesn't tell you anything about who he is, and okay he doesn't look 23, he looks like Charlie Hunam. Okay. Okay. Yeah. I can't describe him with words so you understand, at least not yet.
We talked about plant pathology, the universe, kundalini yoga, and life while I shoved a burger in my mouth because I was hungry AF.
The next day, he meets Ann and I at Panera where we all independently worked for hours. We then moved locations to a bar, and kept working, eating hummus and talking more about life in a way I only talk to my dad and Nana about because it was some otherworldly, super woo woo kind of stuff.
After the bar, he left for a bit, then came over and we all had dinner at the house.
Our conversation was electrifying. I truly felt my body vibrating at a higher frequency with each word we exchanged.
Ann would stare at us talking, watching the dynamic unfold. I could see her grin out of the corner of my eye. I knew what she was thinking. Yeah, okay Ann, you're right. I'm into the farmer.
I think what I began to like so much was the way he looked me in the eyes when he spoke.
When he was talking to me, I felt so seen, so deeply seen and heard.
The next day Sarah drops me off at a coffee shop to meet him. For 4 hours we talked about growing SCR, more about life, I mean—we just went on and on and I never wanted it to end.
After sitting all morning he asked, "are you hungry?".
"Do you want to get Thai?"
So we walked to Thai, sat down and talked.
I liked the way we flowed throughout the day. With no plan, not checking our phones. Just us.
We talked openly about sex, relationship dynamics, and vulnerability while we ate some pretty wonderful Thai.
As our conversation was coming to what I thought was an end, I thought "okay, if this is it, I will have just had one of the most stimulating conversations of my life and I'm so happy."
"Do you want to go for a walk? I think I need a walk."
Yes, I said.
So we walked all around Penn States campus. Our conversation going from belly laughs, sex, business, life, breakfast foods, our childhoods and more.
"Do you want to sit down?"
Yes, I said again.
We talked more.
"Do you want to walk more?"
As we kept walking, I realized I hadn't checked my phone all day. All day.
I had this thing in my head that I couldn't connect with someone who was 23 like this. Which is silly, because I'm 24 and I know that my age literally means nothing when it comes to connections.
I was enthralled by the way he made me feel so seen, and our conversation was so open and honest. And not once did he mention anything that felt suggestive or made me feel disrespected.
Which you know, should be a normal thing, but I don't come across that kind of genuine kindness with men often.
We ended up back in Panera.
Once again, we were getting to the point where I thought it may end. At this point it was 6pm...our date started at 10am.
We talked about how we sometimes both feel like we're 'too much' for people. Which is funny coming from years of feeling like I'm not enough.
Sometimes my directness with people I'm into throws them off, which is bizarre because we say we don't want games, but then when someone is clear and direct we freak out????
Anyway..I liked knowing that I could be direct with him.
To which he agreed, and told me "like right now I want to ask you to come over and just lay down and talk more, but I don't know if that's too much"
Too much? No. Perfect. Please, more.
Not once did I feel like I was put into a position that wasn't comfortable or felt sexualized. I feel safe with him. So yes, I would like to go lay with you and talk more about Buddhist tradition, business growth strategies and pretty much anything else.
We packed up and headed back to his house.
If you're waiting for the part where we have sex, you can leave the story now. Because we didn't.
We got to his house and he asked if I wanted to sit on the floor, because earlier we talked about how I love the floor.
On the floor we laid down under a blanket watching a video about a fungus that kills ants. I'm not kidding, I can tell you all about this ant killing fungus, come at me.
I needed to kiss him, and I didn't know why he hadn't yet. I was about to (Kindly) yell at him "ARE YOU GOING TO KISS ME??".
But I didn't.
Instead, he asked if I was hungry and he made me dinner. Grilled chicken, couscous, and roasted Brussel sprouts. He also made me tea. Tea. He made me tea.
He asked me about my last relationship and wanted to know about my expiernce of being with a woman. But not from a gross standpoint, from a truly curious and understanding way.
He then asked if I had seen this lesbian episode of black mirror. I hand't, so he suggested we watch it . I said yes.
When I asked him if I could help do anything with the food, he said "just relax and enjoy the show, I got this."
He totally fucking had it .
When he finally came to sit down, he leaned up against me. Finally. Just the touch of his shoulder against mine felt electrifying.
We ate, finished the show, kept getting closer, then he laid his head on my lap.
I liked the way this felt like middle school. It was patient, calm and cute. This smart, and insanely confident man, with such kindness, just taking his time, acting as if we were 14. Which in these moments I didn't mind. Sure, of course I wanted him to kiss me. But I liked that it felt like there was more to this whole day than that.
I played with his hair. Which is long, that he wears in a bun.
He looked up at me, while I ran my fingers through his hair and I don't know what he was thinking, but all I know is that it felt like he was looking right into me. I wanted to look away because it felt so intimate but I didn't.
A few moments later, he sat up, looked at me, and kissed me.
A kiss that felt so passionate, kind, and perfect. It was perfect. I've never wanted to cry upon being kissed. But I wanted to cry.
The way his hands brushed my cheek and the way each kiss felt so intentional—nothing else existed in those moments except for our lips.
We stayed up until 2am watching black mirror. At this point I assumed I was sleeping there, so I got into bed with him. He moved close to me, and held me.
Did you want to kiss me earlier today? I asked.
At any point before we got here?
I wanted to touch you and be close to you.
Then we fell asleep.
I had the worst night of sleep of my life. I had never just casually slept at someone's house, so I was out of my element, and we both just moved around a lot. But I was happy to be there.
We woke up, and he drove me back to Ann and Sarah's house. He kissed me, and we said goodbye. Then that was it .
He doesn't have social media, and he just go an iPhone for the first time in his life so casual texting isn't his jam. I'm learning it's not mine either.
I had the most magical 24 hours of my life. I mean, I could write this in 32803 different ways, but no selection of words will encompass how those hours made me feel.
Hunter, that's his name.
He taught me so much about myself in 24 hours.
Most of which I'm not ready to share yet, because even writing this feels vulnerable. But, what feels like it made the biggest impact in my life was how present he was.
When I spoke, his eyes, body and mind were locked onto what was coming out of my mouth. Not in a creepy, I'm obsessed with you kind of way. But in a way that felt like the most deep connection I've ever experienced.
This year I've focused on detachment from people, places and things. Allowing what is, to be. To be present, to experience each moment for what it is without attaching some big grand plan or idea.
Doing that, allowed me to leave, and that be it. Knowing that I may never see or talk to him again and that's totally fine. Truly, so okay.
But, it didn't end there. At least not yet, as I finish writing this I'm waiting for him to pick me up.
I don't know what will happen after this, or if I'll see him again.
All I know is that my time with him felt like honey. Pure, golden, dripping in magic, honey.
Gotta go, he'll be here soon.