I Fell Asleep And Woke Up At A Brewery

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True story. That's not even the best part. See, the plan was hike at hocking hills then go to Alchemy for smoothie bowls. Pretty much a day of honoring my body hard core. How it went down was a little more eventful than that, and I was okay with it. Because life doesn't always go as planned, and because in the middle of this awesome day as it wasn't going as expected--I was able to achieve some bad ass things (in my mind at least). IMG_4505

We went to a trail I'd never done before (considering I've only have done a few very small..small, trails) and about 3 min into it I was ready to peace out. This was no trail in a state park, this was a fucking monster with like 2 feet wide of walking space and then cliff. As in you could have literally pushed me off the cliff and I'd be a goner. I felt fear, in my gut I felt the scariest most intense feeling I'd ever felt. I even joked that we should turn around multiple times--I was being pretty fucking serious though.  I didn't want any of it, because my comfort zone is safe. Because the trail we could've taken, was a trail on the ground..where I couldn't die off a cliff. Because safety is familiar.

Instead of crying, which was an actual option many times. I channeled my inner Cheryl Strayed, literally. I acknowledged my fear, I looked over the cliff, down the cracks in the rock that had been eroded and instead of continuing to give life to a story of fear and death. I welcomed fear into my body.

Hello fear, I'm hear to make you my bitch.

I started walking a little quicker, because my snail pace that I was keeping in order to avoid death was nothing short of hilarious and ridiclous. I took the time to stop staring at the ground and look up and see the beautiful world in front of me. Let me tell you, nothing is more incredible than complete silence in the middle of the forest, looking down at the world below you just taking in every breathe--realizing your problems are nothing. Realizing the world is so big and grand, and that I want nothing more than to appreciate every single second of feeling it's grandness.

I spent years of my life looking at ground, feeling scared. Years of living in fear because I didn't know how to live in anything else. I didn't know how to do anything but walk into a room and wonder if everyone had noticed that I wore the same shirt 6 days ago, or if they liked my hair.

I AM DONE WITH LOOKING DOWN.

Looking down, being scared--those are a choice. The unknown is scary, that I know all too well. What's scarier though is living the same day for 75 years and calling it a life. When you are approached with fear, you have two options--look down, embrace it, give life to the story you are creating in your head.. OR you can live your life and when feelings of fear arise you can acknowledge them. You can allow its presence to be there and then you can do this awesome thing and move forward with life.

I know you're thinking "easy for her to say, she doesn't get it". I really fucking get it though.

I got married at 18 because being comfortable was what I thought, a safer option/ less scary option than living a life I wanted.

I stay married for three years because I was too scared to change. Could I raise a three year old boy on my own? Where would I live?

I quit going to high school and started online school because I was too scared to stand up to bullies.

Girl, I get it.

I promise you that when you feel fear, you do have a choice. Do the scary thing anyway and see how your life transforms.

Oh, and about the brewery...While I had intended on honoring my body through some cool movement and a lovely smoothie, my boyfriend decided to make a pit stop on the way home. After our hike I was exhausted, fell asleep in the car and then woke up at Rock Mill Brewery. This place was awesome, a cool looking log cabin-ish type place in the middle of nowhere Ohio. Okay, it was Lancaster. Trying a couple beers wasn't on my agenda that day for honoring my body. I didn't even start tasting alcohol until a few months ago (okay, minus those rebellious few times in high school..sorry dad). I've decided I like craft beer (I mean, can you decide that if you've only had it twice?). I tasted a few sips of each that James ordered and was done. I choose this for the experience, and because 4 sips of beer--in the grand scheme of life, is nothing. I made the decision that life rocks, and when else can I say I fell asleep and then woke up at a brewery? Probably not to many.

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So fear, that big scary bitch. Acknowledge her, feel her presence and then let it all go. No matter how big or scary the task at hand is, you always have a choice.

 

xoxo

Rachel