I Dropped Out Of High School: Bullying + The Creation of Strong Chicks Rock

My sophomore year of high school I got mono. I was really sick, my doctor said it was the worst case of mono she had ever seen. For a month and a half I laid on my couch, didn't go to school and could barely eat. 

I was so scared, and felt so alone. I mean, aside form physically being alone all day, my friends had stopped talking to me. Which I remember feeling kind of normal, because we weren't really 'great' friends, but none of us wanted to be alone either so we all stuck together in this twisted mean girl kind of way that we never spoke of. 

One day while I had mono I started my period when I was home alone, and I had strict rules to not walk unless I physically had to go to the bathroom. But I was bleeding, so I walked up the stairs. Well, I crawled, and stopped and it was horrible because this felt like climbing a mountain. As I was walking down, I fell down the stairs. I thought I was dying, partially because my doctor said if I fell my spleen would rupture, and I could die. And the other part was because at this point I just felt alone, and was hurting and blood was dripping down my leg from my period. 

My dad pulled in the driveway minutes later and he rushed me to the hospital where I stayed for awhile. I had so many IV's, and had lost so much weight from not being able to eat that by the time I was allowed to start going back to school for half days I looked disgusting. I was black and blue, my eyes had sunken in, my lips were chapped and my hair had gotten so fine that I was just a mess. But I wanted to be around people.

When I got to school on my first day back, all 3 of my best friends didn't talk to me. They just didn't. They ignored me like I didn't exist. I was so confused. By lunch, it had been made clear that a secret of mine had been shared with some upperclassmen, and that secret grew and took on a life of it's own and by the end of the day I had letters on my locker calling me a slut, my friends shunning me out completely and my upperclassmen "friends" who I deeply wanted to fit in with, now hated me. 

And I don't know if you remember school, but upperclassmen hating you was my actual worse nightmare.

I got hate texts and messages all day long for the next 2 weeks, girls called me slut as I walked past them in the hall. Girls who use to be my friend. 

Slut became so normal that I believed I really was a slut, even though it was nowhere close to the truth. 

I was coming home crying everyday, my dad getting filled with more and more rage, he finally went to the school. Of course we know how this goes, right? I begged him not to, but he did anyway.

The girl who had started it all, my very best friend, was called in with her mom, and she denied it all. Obviously. And her mom tried to blame me, which I'm still unsure of how this made any sense. I just remember feeling really heartbroken.

This all made it worse, as I'm sure you can imagine. 

As we approached summer, I ate alone, in the bathroom, counting down the days until I could be alone in my room where no one could be mean to me for the rest of summer. 

School ended and I told my dad I was never going back. I would have runaway before I would have stepped through those doors again. 

So I dropped out of school, I did online school for awhile, until I started working and then gaining my first mentorship for training + coaching. 

And at 18 I would go on to create Strong Chicks Rock.

I needed SCR. I needed it like I needed to breathe. I needed a place where I felt safe. I needed other women to know they matter, and that they are important and they are valued and seen and heard. 

I wanted a tribe. I wanted a group, because I felt like If I could create the community I never had, then I would be okay.

So what started out as a desire for me to help women and create a tribe, developed into so much more. 

The message went from "I can help you transform your life through weight loss", to let's work on the inside stuff. Which is clearly less sexy than losing 20lbs.

But one of the greatest things I've learned in working with over 500 women, is that we hold onto to those moments that shaped us, the ones that make us feel like we don't belong, and they become our identity.

Whether that moment happened when you were 5 and your mom called you fat for the first time, or a girl told you that you couldn't sit with her, or someone called you a slut and you took it on as truth. 

The evolution of SCR has taught me that when you can learn to feel at home in your body, it is then that you can feel yourself, and at home in your body anywhere, in any situation. 

I needed you to know this, because this story and not feeling enough, being bullied, and the deep feeling of not belonging led me here. 

You can glute bridge until your ass is numb, and run for miles and miles and miles,  but if you don't work on your mindset, your heart, and your beliefs + behaviors around your body, nothing is going to change.

And because almost every client I've ever had has told me all they want is 'to feel comfortable in their body', I think we can all realize that the kind of comfortableness isn't in a new jean size, but in learning how to feel at home in your body.

So I dropped out of school, and it was the best thing I've ever done. Sometimes I wish I could go back as me now, and speak up for myself. 

But I'm here now, running SCR.

And you know whats cool? 

When I ask my clients how I can best support them each week, many of their answers are "just keep being yourself". The first time one of them said this I cried and was like what in the actual fuck. Like tell me what you really want? Do you want an extra check in? A new ebook? But they wanted me to continue to show up as I am.

Funny, how this all happened.