Day 2: Your Self Care Is NOT Selfish

You know that quote, you can't pour from an empty cup? As in your soul being the cup. Yeah, it's pretty darn true.

Have you ever felt yourself giving so much of you to people in your life and you keep finding yourself mentally, physically and emotionally running on empty? I'm sure you have.

The worst part is that society has really gone and messed us up by glamorizing the "sleep when you're dead" or "grind all day" mentality into our brains like running on empty is the new it thing to do.

So you keep running, you keep giving more and more. Until you have nothing left to give and you feel like a zombie walking in your body. 

You've heard about this self love thing but you aren't sure if it looks like manicures, buying the latest self help book or masturbating. A woman can get a little confused on what self care actually looks like. So, kind of like dieting, it can be so overwhelming that you choose to do nothing because this state of mind is all you know, so what are you really missing out on anyway?

OH MY GOSH---let me blow your mind.

Self care is care provided “for you, by you.” It’s about identifying your own needs and taking steps to meet them. It is taking the time to do some of the activities that nurture you. Self care is about taking proper care of yourself and treating yourself as kindly as you treat others.

So what are your needs? What nurtures your soul? What makes you happy? What recharges you?

My list looks something like this:

  • Going to a bookstore alone and grabbing like 12 books, scanning them, reading them and just being alone amongst the books for sometimes  20 min or up to hours.
  • Staying in. I love to date myself. I go to a little Mediterranean restaurant on Friday nights and I grab my favorite meal (meat grape leaves, hummus + pita, a salad and a tiny piece of Baklava,ugh, yes so good). I take it to go and I watch my favorite movie or binge on my favorite show. I found that I was saying yes SO MUCH to friends because I felt like I should, or I was too afraid to say no. So now, saying yes to me is everything.
  • Working out. Moving my body in some capacity is a love throw down for my mind and body. Taking the time to dance, crossfit, strength train, walk, hike etc..no matter what it is, it's a from of connection to the body that our mind, muscles and soul so deeply desire.
  • Writing. Writing for me is a beautiful outlet. When I write I find that I can get what I need to say out, which really just helps me be a better human.
  • Meditation. Sometimes I meditate for literally 2 min, sometimes 20. This time to just breathe and be with myself allows me to show up in my life more connected and whole. 
  • Dance. Sometimes when I'm running on empty and I only have a few minutes before a client comes to over, I dance. I put my hands on my body and choose to feel and connect to it. I choose to love it in these moments listening to my favorite songs. 
  • Sometimes it does look like a bath + reading my favorite book. I truly thought baths weren't my jam. But I actually really love them when I have the time. Something about just being submerged in water for the sole purpose of relaxation and love--I don't know. It's awesome. 

Self care looks like whatever YOU need most. I know that as an introvert + being a coach, I have a certain amount of being "on" during the day, I recharge best when I'm alone, or alone with another human who respects that.

Your list doesn't have to look like my list at all. Your list could look 10x different and that is 100% okay because this is you taking care of your brilliant vessel.

But Self Care Is Selfish

I was in a relationship with a human that wasn't down with what self care looked like. He took my self care as me saying "I don't love you". If I choose to be alone instead of with him, even though this time was alone was a necessity because for me to show up better for our relationship, he were angry. I'm not blind to the fact that we each have a deep desire to be connected so when one partner wants to be alone, I can truly see how this can be perceived  as "bad" thing. It really hurt me going through it though because I felt like in order to make this person happy, I had to give up what was making me a better person in my life.

When you devote time to filling up YOUR cup--you show up to your life whole, healed (healing), and full of love. You have something to give now. Whereas before, when you were ignoring your basic human needs, you were showing up half assed to many parts of your life.

I understand that to some, self care can seem selfish. At the end of the day though, you know what you need to feel the way you want to feel.

If you want to feel whole, happy, and obtain a deep love and connection for yourself, so you can in turn give love to others--taking that time is crucial. As Danielle Laporte said, "self care is a divine responsibility" It ain't no fucking joke. I said that last part, not Danielle..just to be clear.

Your mission should you choose to complete it: 

  1. How do you want to feel each morning when you get up? Happy, confident, connected to your body etc..
  2. What can you do each day, that will allow you to fill up your cup so you can show up the way you desire to?
  3. Write it out. Like with an actual piece of paper and a pen. There is something so powerful about putting pen to paper. It's essentially a contract with the universe and yourself. 

If you're the sharing, tribe loving kind of babe--I would LOVE to see your list. If you're feeling open and want to share your list with me + the SCR tribe, you can upload it to Instagram and use #SCRnation + tag me @strongchicksrock. We have a beautiful tribe of women who would love to support you, help you stay accountable and I think it would be awesome to share ideas of how we each fill up our cups.

Your self care is not selfish, it's actually the complete opposite. It's a love letter to your body each time you show up for yourself. How beautiful is it that the more we show up for ourselves, we are the ones saving us. Not a person, not a relationship--just you. Take that Cinderella. 

Fill your cup up babe--

xox

Rachel