"What are you doing for New Years, Rachel?"
"I'm gonna go home, pick up my favorite greek food and watch Netflix."
"No you should go out! You don't want to be alone."
That was a conversation I had on New Years eve this year, and it really bummed me out. I was actually really happy to go home and be alone. I'm not a fan of drinking, I like to fall asleep by 11pm MAX, that's just what I like.
After this conversation though, and the continued dialect that followed, I went home and shut my eyes on NYE and cried. WTF?
Why was I crying?
I replayed that conversation so much wondering if my desire to be alone meant there was something inheartnly wrong with me? Was there, I thought? I questioned myself, "but I thought you liked to be alone?", I also happened to answer myself--"I DO like to be alone."
Should You Like To Be Alone?
Hell to the mother elfin yes, if it's what you like, you should honor that. However, of course this is one of those easier said than done things.
I was throughly content to be alone that night, and pretty much anytime that I choose. In a world where codependency thrives though, and we are conditioned to believe that our happiness lies within the arms and comfort of another, I understand how when I say "I want to be alone" it can come across to another as "I have no one to be with, this sucks but it's all I have".
Being alone is one of the most radical and awesome ways to practice self care.
How many times have you said "yes" to doing something with someone and in your mind you're already playing out your plan of attack in how you'll ditch the situation. Possible options:
- *cough cough* I'm sick (please tell me you read that in the appropriate mean girls voice)
- Oh no! I forgot I had so much HW to get done! So sorry!
- I'm pooping my brains out, must be that Thai food I had for lunch! Sorry babe!
You know what I'm talking about though? Wanting to bail before it even happens.
You do this because you know what you want to do, you want to chill at home. You want to have time for YOU.
What The FOMO?
FOMO sets in (I had to google this):
"fear of missing out". The fear that if you miss a party or event you will miss out on something great
Even though he was exhausted, John's fomo got the best of him and he went to the party.
You say yes because you fear you may miss out--I've been there and done that and each time around an hour in, I question "whyyyyy am I here????????". Or you say yes to make the other person happy. Regardless of why you say yes, you saying yes is you saying no to you and your needs.
Why Being Alone Is 100% Okay
- It's a form of self care. Being alone is you setting boundaries for yourself to relax and do what you want!
- You're choosing to find joy outside of other people, you value time with others but you know that you can also very easily connect to a sense of joy on your own.
- You don't need validation from your friends/lovers/families presence to feel love. You know the love between others won't disappear by choosing not to be with them all of the time.
- Being alone shows the comfortableness you have within your own body. You're okay with not booking your schedule full of things you don't really want to in fear you may miss out.
- You aren't necessarily lonely. Lonely people could be in a crowded room and not feel seen, valued or heard. You can be in solitude in feel good, whilst still being around people and feel good.
I once had a friend who would text me constantly asking what I was doing and if I wanted to hang out. She latter confided in me that she didn't like being alone, ever.
That kind of need to constantly be with people really drives from the need to feel connected in someway and I think connection needs to start within ourselves, instead of first seeking it in others.
How powerful is it though, to still enjoy time with friends, families and lovers, but also be able to drive alone in peace, see a movie alone, go out to lunch alone, walk alone, hang out at home etc.
Cheers to those of you who can be alone, I admire you and If I didn't love being alone so much I would join you..but ya know, then we wouldn't be alone so I'll respect your space.
Cheers to those of you who have a desire to be okay being alone. I admire your heart for seeing the value in being alone, and seeing it as an act of self care.
Cheers to all of us babes, just trying to do this life thing.