I spent 5 days binge watching crappy shows on Netflix and barley working. I was doing the bare minimum of SCR because I got to a point where I was scared.
Could I really take this big of a leap of faith and only do SCR? Could I trust enough in myself that I could put in the work to create the business of my dreams and elevate SCR to the level I know it could be?
Under this pressure I put on myself, I did what any sane human would (I kid). Instead of working efficiently, creating and growing. I reverted into the safety of Netflix and not leaving my house.
Day 5 arose and the "fun" aspect of eating pizza and watching TV fully lost all it's umph and I wanted to throw up.
What the F have I done? How could I have spent the pst 5 days barley working and at the same time wondering why my business isn't where I want it?
As a lump filled in my throat and I felt as though I was going to throw up, I called my dad. I knew what was going on, I didn't need advice--what I needed was to tell someone what was happening with me. If I didn't tell anyone I probably would have let the Netflix binge continue.
In our talk, he of course said all of the right things. As tears streamed down from my eyes he told me "you need to forgive yourself".
Without fighting his response by admitting again how seemingly "awful" I had been, I said yeah, you're right.
So I didn't work as hard as I would like to. So I ate a whole pint of cashew ice cream and had pizza 2 days in a row. So what I only worked out once. SO WHAT.
Forgiving ourselves is hard. I think because staying in the guilt or being the victim is easier than realizing, yes, you do have the power to change where you're at.
In life, in love, in your relationship with your body, where do you need to forgive yourself?
One of those "easier said than done" things, I know.
Unfortunately we aren't magical fairies that can say "I forgive myself" and the work is done.
Seeing that you may need a little push and guidance in the self forgiveness, just like I did--here are three ways you can learn how to forgive yourself.
How To Forgive Yourself:
- Realize that it's done. The most obvious lesson of them all, but hang with me. What's done IS done. You can no longer go back and change what you did or didn't do. You can begin to forgive yourself by stopping the ESPN replay that's streaming live in your mind. Playback after playback, reliving what happened won't create a different outcome. Your energy could be better spent living in the here and now. You can rewrite your story, create something more exciting for ESPN than your "mess ups".
- Let go of the emotion you attached to what happened. Maybe you feel like you hurt someone, causing them pain. Maybe you overate. Whatever it is, you've attached guilt, pain, anger, failure etc to the event that's happened. You can tell yourself that you forgive yourself until the cows come home, but unless you can identify the emotion you attached to the event and release it--your nervous system literally won't be able to move into forgiveness. How? You can try mediation or EFT. My two favorite ways to let things go. Journaling also helps, I like this book to help me through journaling.
- Get back into the flow of self love. It's time, now that you've let go of what's been done, you've stopped the replay, you're open to writing a new story, you now need to appreciate and show yourself some kindness. Hard as it may sound, if you've gone through steps one and two, you're likely in more of a place to accept and feel love. What can you do as a direct act of love for yourself? Take a walk? Set boundaries? Dance it out? Write it out? Paint your nails? Go get a cup of coffee? Do something out of love for you.
Incase you're wondering, this is my act of love. Writing is my thing. Throughout the past 5 days I told myself "you're not creative" OR "you're not in the right place to give advice". So I kept pushing away the thing I knew could help bring me out of it, or at least bring me closer to my power which I felt like I lost.
Listen, this self work stuff is exactly what WORK. We can't wish our crap days away. We can't hope and pray that the love and light will magically penetrate through our souls and we'll be happy and radiant butterflies--but wouldn't that be cool?
I didn't want to write this, but I knew if I started writing, I would feel better. Even if what I wrote wasn't "good enough" to share, I had to write. Here we are though, and I'm quite happy with this piece because the more and more I typed, the better I felt and the more I pulled myself out of the funk I was in.
You can forgive yourself, but it'll take some action on your end to get out of the ughhhhhh that you're feeling.
Thanks Dad, I knew you'd know exactly what to say,