Maybe he’s just not that into you, and that’s the end of the story.
Maybe what felt like a moment to you, wasn’t a moment to him.
Maybe, when your brain did that thing where it lit up and envisioned your life together after only two dates—he realized that it was actually a no for him.
Listen, I get it. It feels so much better to allow yourself to lean into the idea that he’s not texting back because he’s busy. When you create stories in your head, even small ones like ‘he’s just busy’—you give yourself a safety out.
Your brain loves stories so much because they feel safe, safer than allowing yourself to experience what actually is.
Here’s where things get dicey though—
You put all of your energy into this one person because you’ve created a story around how they feel about you without doing a few really important things:
Ask them how they feel so you know what’s true.
Get to know them.
Yes, you can know someone really well in 10 min, an hour, or even a month—but you don’t know what makes them tick—you can’t know if they’re a surefire yes within one date. You can however know, if you’d like to get to know them more. Which is a way to possibly ground yourself when you meet someone new.
Instead of attaching yourself to the idea that you’re going to be together, and live a happy life together—pause, realize that you’re brain is going 100mph, and recognize that all you know is they:
May make you feel butterflies
You’re curious to know more
Most of your heartbreak—okay I shouldn’t say most, I don’t know you. However, I’m sure a lot of it could be avoided by not allowing your mind to get 50 shades of let’s get married and go to italy together with stories after two dates.
You can use two of my favorite tools to better practice this non—attachment dating/love approach.
Is it true?
When you’re talking to someone new and a story starts to go (even when you're in a committed relationship) and you feel yourself swimming in a rush of adrenaline and then are met with a slow decline of sadness because your hopes got too high. Ask yourself, is this true?
You can use it in moments like this:
They’re not texting you back, so you convince yourself that they don’t like you and your vagaina is weird so they must be rejecting you because your sex is weird (it’s not).
You went on two dates and find yourself going so far into the future, then get mad when they don’t seem to be where you are.
Is it true? Ask it when your story starts to play that shakes you from your place of feeling grounded.
The second thing you can do, is ask them.
Wanna know if someone likes you, or is where you’re at? Get uncomfortable and ask. You’ll learn what’s true and not.
There was a guy I was saw twice and I really liked him. I thought he liked me too, but I couldn’t tell. Though I almost vomited, I asked him how he felt?
Hey, do you like me?
Yes, but I need to take things really slow.
Turns out, I was super gay and I really like him as friends, but I was able to get clarity on how he felt so I could know if my feelings were reciprocated.
Dating is hard—but we don’t have to make it harder with our stories.